So we've reached the point where you are hopefully beginning to see cunnilingus as a normal part of sexual activity, something that gives a woman her orgasm and then leads up to sexual intercourse, rather than something that is an optional part of foreplay. Cunnilingus needs promoting from something you might do if you feel in the mood, taking away from the status of something that is not essential to your sexual pleasure, to something that you see as absolutely essential to giving your partner an orgasm, satisfying her sexually, and as important as intercourse.
In this move away from the predominance of vaginal penetration as the key to sexual relationships between a couple there are other changes that follow. Sex becomes a more equal experience, an experience that is not geared solely to the penetration of the woman by the man; an activity where equality is more important; an activity where the woman's pleasure becomes as important as the man's pleasure; and where the process of giving her that pleasure is rewarding for both partners.
In case you have not already read our advice on foreplay we reproduce it here for you. In particular, we'd like to remind you of the importance of communication and and mutual respect, and offer the suggestion that fantasy can be a good thing in a sexual relationship.
So in our new model of sex, foreplay is no longer followed by sexual intercourse. Foreplay is now either followed by cunnilingus, the purpose of which is to give the female partner an orgasm, or cunnilingus is the main event, rather than sexual intercourse. There is of course no clear and absolute definition of what constitutes foreplay, but clearly there has to be a point at which you make the transition from foreplay into cunnilingus. And, once you have started cunnilingus, you need to know how to do it effectively so that your partner reaches orgasm as reliably as possible.
The first point to note is that you need to be comfortable. Many men who are giving their partner cunnilingus get wrapped up in the need to make her attain orgasm at the expense of their own comfort. This is a bad approach, because when you are conscious of your own discomfort, you won't be able to give your full attention to your partner, nor will you be able to appreciate the finer nuances of her sexual arousal, and you will not be sensitive to the changes of rhythm and pressure that may be necessary to bring her to orgasm. So the first point is to be comfortable, and to select the right position for cunnilingus.
By now, you have probably realized that this will not include the 69 or soixante-neuf position. The 69 position is the stuff of fantasy, albeit highly enjoyable fantasy that may lead to a powerful orgasm whilst you're masturbating. Or, perhaps, it is a part of your actual sexual experience where you have the highly enjoyable experience of having your partner go down on your penis whilst simultaneously offering her genitals to your to your gaze, or perhaps pressing them to your nose or mouth. But it isn't any use for giving her an orgasm! For one thing you can't focus on her sexual pleasure at the same time as she is giving you fellatio. Another, your full attention can never be on giving her an orgasm while you're in this position. And lastly, your opportunity to move subtly and delicately across her genitals, and to use your fingers as an adjunct to your tongue, is severely restricted. All in all, this position is best left to fantasy, or to those times when you want to play an exciting and arousing sexual game, not when the object is to bring her to orgasm.
Another position very unsuitable for bringing her to orgasm through cunnilingus is any position which involves her sitting on your face, unless she is using your lips, nose, chin or some other part of your face as a way of masturbating herself by rubbing her clitoris against you. Once again, lying on your back under her weight, you don't have the opportunity to make the subtle movements and adjustments of rhythm, pace and pressure that are necessary to bring her to orgasm. It may be great fun for her to reach orgasm this way from time to time, but it is not the same as you bringing her to orgasm through skilful cunnilingus.
Another exciting position, often seen in porn films, is the one where the man kneels down in front of his partner and gives her cunnilingus she stands with her back against a wall. This can be highly exciting, but it isn't likely that she will be able to reach orgasm in this position, unless she is extremely aroused.
The correct position is the one seen in this picture, a position in which you will be comfortable and able to carry in for as long as it takes for your partner to reach orgasm.