Women! Find out how to achieve climax during sex here!

Bringing a woman to climax during intercourse

And so now we get to the crucial part - achieveing climax during sex, whether through oral sex, masturbation, vaginal thrusting or cunnilingus. On this page we look at cunnilingus as a sexual technique for reaching the female climax.

At this point both of you may have reservations about cunnilingus. This is quite normal. Almost all men enjoy cunnilingus but a significant proportion of them are concerned with the smell and taste of their partner's genitals.  And a significant proportion of women are concerned whether their vulva is fresh and what it tastes like.

We'd summarize the main points of an approach which adopts cunnilingus as a sexual main event rather than a side dish as follows:

• delay the pleasure of sexual intercourse until the female partner has had her climax

• enjoy the process of giving the woman her climax through foreplay, cunnilingus, and perhaps masturbation

• learn and adopt suitable techniques to stimulate her clitoris orally in a way that will result in her enjoying an climax reliably and regularly

• abandon the viewpoint of sex that says intercourse, vaginal penetration and thrusting is the only form of "real" sex

• climax during intercourse

• respect each other's sexual needs and desires, especially appreciating the fact that there are real differences between men and women's rate of arousal, experience of climax, need for sexual stimulation, and rate of "recovery" after climax

• approach each sexual act as a unique experience of sex with your partner

• engage fully and wholeheartedly in sexual connection with your partner each and every time you are intimate; focus your whole attention on what you're doing and give of your whole being to your partner

• make real and genuine heartfelt connection during intercourse so that sex becomes a connection of mind and body rather than just a matter of gaining pleasure for yourself through ejaculation and intercourse

Difficulties for the woman in enjoying cunnilingus

There are problems of course.  As a woman, you may feel vulnerable during cunnilingus.  If you have any inhibitions or reservations about your body you may feel them most acutely at this point of your sexual relationship.  After all, you are opening yourself both physically and emotionally to your partner's gaze; it's even possible you don't wish to engage in cunnilingus at all.

You can overcome some of these problems in simple, practical ways.  For example, it is helpful to view pictures of other women's vulvas so you can compare them with your own, and see that whatever you have is normal.  You can do that at Vulvavelvet.org  As far as the matter of hygiene is concerned, we've already discussed the simple remedy of washing.  If it really bothers you, take a shower or a bath together before you engage in sexual activity.  This should reassure you that your taste and scent are as fresh as they can be.  But there is one more key factor: the attitude of your partner.

A note for men giving cunnilingus

It's absolutely essential that when you're giving your partner cunnilingus you're enjoying it. If you are not enjoying it she will know this and become tense and move further and further away from any possibility of an climax.  But why would you not enjoy it?  Cunnilingus is a real turn on, a sexual experience that has the power to arouse you to the highest levels of your male desire, and prepare you for a powerful experience of intercourse (and your own ejaculation and climax) later on.  So make sure that you tell her, genuinely, how much you are enjoying the experience of being intimate with her in this way.  And give generously of your time.  She may or may not reach climax quickly, but we know that, given enough attention and foreplay, she will reach climax reliably.  We've already said that a huge majority of women who receive twenty minutes or more of foreplay will reach climax.  The reality is that if foreplay goes on for long enough, 99% of women will reach climax.

Also, you must reassure her that her taste, vulval scent and appearance are all beautiful, and that they turn you on and that you desire her greatly. Be aware that she may need frequent reassurance on this point. Don't be irritated by this. Women need to be told these things not just once but over and over;  she needs to hear your reassurance over and over again.

You may have heard that a woman's vagina is very clean; perhaps you've heard that the vagina is cleaner than the mouth.  And that's true in terms of bacterial content, but it may not be true in terms of scent or taste.  Yet it's a simple matter to ensure adequate hygiene: just wash, using a mild soap, outside the vagina. Don't use vaginal douches, and don't use vaginal deodorant. This part of the body is no harder to keep clean than a man's penis and balls - and that only requires him to wash. It is no different for a woman.  If she has washed and there is still an unpleasant odor, this may indicate some kind of infection - that's particularly true when she has a fishy odor, so encourage her to see a  doctor.

Every woman tastes and smells different in the genital area. For many people, the scent and taste of their partner is a crucial part of sexual attraction - for better or worse!  Couples have broken up over not liking each other's smell!  In general however it's fair to say that most men will be attracted to the taste of a fresh, clean vagina; indeed, when a woman is aroused and producing more vaginal lubrication, the more attractive her scent and taste is likely to be. She produces a more distinctive sexual scent as she becomes more aroused, which the man who has the good fortune to be offering her cunnilingus will in turn find more arousing.  There will be a point in a woman's sexual arousal where the taste of her vaginal lubrication changes significantly, and becomes even more appealing to her partner.

Lots of factors affect the smell and taste of a woman's vaginal fluid, including her diet and medication, her menstrual cycle, whether or not she smokes and drinks and, perhaps more regrettably, whether she has had a man ejaculate in her vagina in the recent past.

It's a good idea not to get too wrapped up in concerns over hygiene: as we said before, the simple answer to any questionable taste and smell is simply regular gentle washing with mild soap.  The use of vaginal douches is not recommended as these can affect the pH balance of the vagina and lead to infection.

Cunnilingus today, and its role in sexual pleasure and bringing women to climax

You may wonder how common cunnilingus actually is.  The answer to that question depends on who you talk to. Among religious traditionalists, people whose attitude to sex is restricted by their religious beliefs (for example, they believe that homosexuality is wrong, that abortion is wrong, that premarital sex is wrong, that teenage sex is wrong, that extramarital sex is wrong, and so on, and so on, and so on) the overall percentage of couples who have enjoyed cunnilingus is about 56%.  Among people who have a more relaxed attitude to sex and are more tolerant, the overall percentage of couples who have enjoyed cunnilingus goes up to 84%.  Among women aged 18 to 24, 75% have received oral sex.  That number does not vary much up to age 39, after which it drops off slightly.

About one couple in five report having incorporated cunnilingus into their last sexual experience - a surprisingly low percentage, and one which gives weight to the argument that cunnilingus would be much better brought into sexual relationships as standard practice rather than an additional, optional part of foreplay!

At this point we feel it necessary just to reiterate the warnings that are standard in any sexual advice website or book today.  That is, practice safe sex. If you are with a new partner talk openly and honestly about your sexual history and whether or not you have had a sexually transmitted disease, and discuss any risky behaviors you might have engaged in. There is much more information on this link.  Of course the experience of connecting mouth and genitals is an extremely exciting one; an experience that has far more power than safe oral sex where you are using a dental dam to prevent intimate contact.  At the end of the day, you have to be the judge of what is safe sexual behavior, whether that means using a condom for intercourse, or some kind of barrier for oral sex.

To sum up what we are saying: we recommend that cunnilingus should be a staple of a couple's sexual relationship.

All that said, the stage is set for a joyous experience of mutual sexual pleasure...