How To Have An Orgasm During Sex

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The process of arousal

Before we go any further in explaining the easiest and best ways to have orgasm through cunnilingus (or by any other method!) it's worth considering the process of sexual arousal.  Clearly sexual arousal is not just something that happens in the mind; it happens in the mind and the body together.  The sequence of events leading up to the point of having an orgasm is known as the sexual response cycle: it has four stages - excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.  Each stage built upon the last, in both men and women, so long as the right kind of stimulation is applied at the right time and with the right intensity.

The female sexual response cycle - the first step on the road to orgasm or climax

The sexual response cycle begins with foreplay. This promotes sexual arousal. As you know, foreplay can take many forms, ranging from simple loving look to a gentle touch, from a passionate kiss to a warm embrace, from gentle stroking of the skin to a vigorous massage.  Whatever the stimulation, the first part of a woman's sexual response involves changes in her body which make her conscious of her growing sexual arousal. These changes include an increased flow of blood to her genitals, with some engorgement of the erectile tissue of the clitoris, vulva and labia.  At the same time her skin becomes more sensitive to touch. Her breasts swell in size and her nipples become more sensitive to stimulation. Perhaps the most obvious sign of her bodily arousal is production of vaginal lubrication, sometimes in large quantities, so much so that she may feel the wetness growing and seeping outwards into her underwear.  This is often accompanied by a sense of warmth.  And finally her clitoris engorges and becomes more prominent as blood flow to the clitoral tissues increases.

As sexual stimulation continues, muscle tension increases throughout a woman's body: this will be released at the moment of climax. Her rate of breathing increases, her blood pressure goes up, and her heart beats faster.  There will be also be changes to her vagina, with the entrance tightening slightly and the inner parts ballooning and increasing in length. As she becomes more aroused her clitoris becomes larger and goes through a number of changes that cause the angle of the clitoral body to change.  It is at this point that the G-spot changes in texture from rough to smooth, a change which some people believe is caused by swelling of part of the clitoris, causing it to lie more closely on top of the vaginal wall.  The clitoral glans certainly disappears beneath its hood and remains there until the point of climax or orgasm unless exposed by pulling the skin back.  At the same time a woman's uterus shifts upwards so as to allow the vagina to expand lengthwise, thereby allowing the penis to thrust more deeply. Unless the clitoris is stimulated during sex, a woman is unlikely to climax during sexual intercourse. It is therefore important that the woman's partner knows how best to stimulate her to orgasm during sexual intercourse.

In the plateau phase a woman is highly aroused, both physically and mentally, and she can remain in that state for some time without reaching orgasm unless additional stimulation is applied to take her over into the orgasm phase. During the plateau phase she may experience a skin flush, deeper breathing and a higher heart rate; certainly her genitals will change color, as her labia become flushed with blood and her vaginal tissues swell.

As mentioned above, with additional stimulation a woman will move from the plateau phase into orgasm.  It's often the transition from the plateau phase to the orgasm which presents most difficulties for a woman when she is trying to have an orgasm. Men, familiar with the way in which they stimulate their own penis during masturbation, will often apply much more vigorous and rapid stimulation to a woman's clitoris at this point. While it's certainly true there is a point where a woman may need this additional stimulation to reach orgasm, it has to be timed to perfection, otherwise a woman is likely to find her orgasm slipping away from her. What in fact is needed most is rhythmic regular stimulation at the right pressure, until the very last moment before orgasm, and then some additional pressure or faster stimulation to take a woman into her orgasm.

The climax or orgasm (these words mean the same thing) itself involves a series of contractions of the muscles of the vaginal walls, the uterus, and the pelvic floor muscles.  These contract rhythmically at just under one second intervals. All of these contractions are accompanied by a great sensation of pleasure and, in some women, the emission of a small amount of fluid from the vagina - a sort of female ejaculation.

The number of contractions a woman experiences when she has an orgasm varies from three to fifteen, although some women can experience prolonged orgasmic contractions. And many women experience their orgasm as a whole body sensation rather than just in their genitals. It's probably safe to say that all women's orgasms are different - both between different women and in the same woman over time. We look at the subject of climax during intercourse on the next page.

The final phase of sexual arousal is the resolution phase, where a woman's body returns to her pre-aroused state.  This process happens much more slowly in women than the post-orgasm process in men.  Indeed, women can often have another orgasm soon after their first; which is distinctly different to men, who have a refractory period, during which it is impossible for them to become sexually aroused again.  Why do men want to sleep after orgasm and women to cuddle? It's down to the hormones we produce - after she's had an orgasm during sex a woman is much more likely to want a period of cuddling and interaction; after his orgasm, a man is likely to want to sleep.