There are many reasons for this, not least
because a woman who has achieved orgasm wants more contact, sexual or
otherwise, with her partner, whereas a man who has had an orgasm
generally wants to relax if not sleep.
If you consider this approach to sex, it
then makes a lot of sense, because it gives both partners an orgasm, and
both get to enjoy intercourse (however long it lasts) without feeling
the pressure of needing to try for an orgasm during that experience -
which can make it much more enjoyable.
Should you happen to be troubled by
premature ejaculation in your relationship, you can get sexual
dysfunction cures here.
These include information about how to delay
your ejaculation, and also of course excellent information on ending
dysfunction with treatments which are perfectly tuned to your
Should you have a continuing problem with
sexual issues, the author is available personally to offer counseling
over the internet.
Premature ejaculation control is essential
for a good sex life, so I recommend you use these premature ejaculation
treatments together with sexual strategies which will enable you to
decide when to have your orgasm in lovemaking.
This level of control allows your woman or
other sexual partner to reach orgasm, too.
Indeed, there is no reason why you
should need to have an orgasm during intercourse to be
sexually satisfied - it's actually just a rather lovely thing
that, of course, may be enough reason to want it to happen.
However, the fact is that while it may be a desirable
objective, it's challenging to actually make it happen. For
one thing, very few women can climax during intercourse.
Yes, it's true: it's actually very
uncommon for women to reach orgasm during intercourse. Let's
leave aside for the moment the argument that if men could last
longer during sex things might be different!
The simple fact is that men do not
tend to last more than two or three minutes before they
ejaculate during intercourse with their partner, and they have
little incentive to make it last longer - an orgasm is their
reward, and that can happen quickly.
Then again, a man always - or almost always - wants
to please his partner during sex, and giving her an orgasm is
a major boost to a man's self-esteem.
When you combine these two
apparently incompatible facts, you soon see that the best way to deal
with the dilemma is to adopt a strategy for sex which involves what I
just outlined - the man gives the woman orgasm(s) with oral sex, toys or
masturbation, then the couple enjoy intercourse, and then they relax
The percentage of women who regularly enjoy an
orgasm during intercourse is certainly less than fifteen percent. It
might even be as low as ten percent.
But, if, despite all this, you really want
to have an orgasm as you make love, what should you do? Passion is a key
The more passionate you feel about sex, the
better it will work for you - simply because you want to be with you
lover and you feel desire for him/her. That essential spark of sexual
chemistry is vital in stirring up the sexual arousal which can lead
easily to orgasm.
Before we go any further,
you might want to ask yourselves why having simultaneous orgasm as you
fuck is so important to you both.
If it's simply a case of
feeling that you "should" achieve this, then think again! That in itself
is not sufficient reason for feeling this way - you need to talk about
But if you think
you're doing OK sexually, that your progress towards being
able to climax when you wish is going alright, and you'd just
like to introduce this extra dimension into your sex life,
then there's a variety of techniques you can try which may
help you to achieve simultaneous orgasm as you make love.
By all means, try them, but when
they start interfering with your pleasure and getting in the
way of your sexual satisfaction, maybe it's time to think
again! Certainly if you lose the erotic quality of your
lovemaking, and become less excited, then drop the attempt!
Here are three techniques you can try out to
see if they produce (simultaneous) orgasms during intercourse
1 Stimulate the clitoris during
simplest way in which you might try for an orgasm while
fucking is by stimulating the woman's clitoris, while the man
slows down or speeds up his movements so that he can time his
arrival at orgasm roughly with the woman (certainly if she
starts to orgasm, then he is likely to rapidly follow suit,
since having his penis inside her vagina while she enjoys her
orgasm is an extremely exciting experience for him).
Either the man or
the woman can touch her clitoris in the way most likely to
bring her to orgasm.
If the clitoris
becomes over-sensitive or loses sensitivity, you may need to
adapt how you touch it so that there is less direct pressure
on the head. Working around the sides of the clitoris is often
a good way to avoid the problem of oversensitivity.
If you lose clitoral
sensitivity during intercourse there are various ways to deal with the
problem. Start by masturbating with a sex toy or finger inside your
vagina - this will help you to get accustomed to the feel of a full
vagina while you masturbate.
Your objective is to mimic
the movements of a penis during intercourse, with your finger or a sex
toy so that you get accustomed to the sensation of having a full vagina
while you stimulate your clitoris (not just when you reach a certain
level of arousal).
When you have become
familiar with the sensations which this produces, you can ask your
partner to place his finger in your vagina and move it in the same way
while either he or you stimulates your clitoris.
This is another step on the
way to becoming accustomed to enjoying clitoral stimulation while your
vagina is simultaneously stimulated, either with a penis or with a
Once you can reach orgasm in
this way, have your partner insert his penis into your vagina while you
masturbate - or while he masturbates you.
After a while, you will be
familiar enough with this stimulation to enjoy the sensation of your
partner moving his penis in and out of your vagina while either of you
stimulates your clitoris.
Approaching the goal of orgasm during
intercourse using this method will take time and effort.
taking it in small steps, not expecting too much at any one time, and
moving ahead persistently until you are able to enjoy orgasm with
penetration. (It's much less difficult for the man to time his orgasm to
coincide with the woman's than vice versa.)
Another way of achieving simultaneous climax during intercourse
Take your time during
foreplay to get near to orgasm. This might be with oral sex from the man
to the woman, or with finger stimulation from the man to the woman.
But as soon as the woman
begins to come, switch from mouth to hand stimulation, have the man
insert his penis, and continue with hand stimulation. It may take a
while to get this right, and it may even produce less strong orgasms at
first, but eventually with enough practice, you'll be able to enjoy your
orgasms with direct hand stimulation of her clitoris during intercourse.
Mind you, you have to be
able to laugh about this! It can look and feel comical before you've
refined it and got it working properly.
Enjoying clitoral stimulation
As always when you enjoy sex play, start by
getting relaxed and doing whatever will make you feel comfortable with
each other. Being relaxed and at ease is a vital first step in any
sexual growth, since you need to feel trusting of your partner before
you can fully let go and become at ease with what you are doing.
So your foreplay might include kissing,
cuddling, caressing, stroking, using sex toys like the vibrator, and
general body massage.
Foreplay is essential for the woman to
become fully aroused - and as long as you are not bored by it, and as
long as you are both enjoying it, you can let it go on for as long as
you wish - the longer the better, in fact. The minimum amount of
foreplay you should consider is twenty minutes, and an hour is about
When you feel ready, insert the penis into the vagina
- using some good quality artificial lube if necessary
- and take your time to get accustomed to the sensations.
There's no need to rush into anything, least
of all thrusting. Just relax and enjoy the intimacy of being together.
Caress and stroke each other, kiss, fondle and enjoy the closeness.
Begin by just lying together enjoying the sensations, and
when you do move, take it slowly and gently. Side by side positions are
good for reaching round to fondle each other's genitals, kissing and
talking. More about
lubricants for intercourse here. And you can get information about
As always with sex, communication is
essential - the woman, in particular, needs to tell the man how hard,
fast and deep she likes penetration and thrusting so that he can judge
how to move in a way that pleases her and causes her no discomfort.
especially important that the woman communicates with the man - he is
likely to enjoy penetration in almost any position, which may not be
true for her. When you have experimented for a while, take a break. Let
her squeeze his penis with her vaginal muscles so he can feel the
pleasure of her vagina tightening around him.
If at this stage you want to move on to
trying manual stimulation, please be aware that it may not go very
smoothly first time you try it! Like everything else in the world of
sex, you have to get used to how it works for you both.
You'll find, for example, that each sex
position gives you different opportunities to touch each other's
genitals - so you'll probably want to start by finding the one
that is easiest for you. I'd recommend woman on top as the man lies on
his back, or side by side.
When she's on top, she can control the depth
of penetration and easily reach her clitoris, though kissing is more
difficult. If he's going to come too soon, it's easy to let his penis
slip out of the vagina and to carry on touching and kissing until his
arousal has dropped and you can resume intercourse.
Occasionally he may come too soon - well,
never mind! It happens, and you can always continue next time.
In general, you are looking for a sex
position for intercourse where you both feel comfortable and in which
you can reach the woman's clitoris after penetration. (If you like rear
entry sex, it may be possible for the man to stimulate the woman's
clitoris in this sex position, but he needs to reach around her to get
Of course, there
are other pleasures to be had from rear entry sex: it is exciting,
arousing, and very pleasurable for men and often women as well, and it
allows for deep penile penetration - men with long penises are more
top sex or missionary position sex allows little opportunity for the man
to stimulate the woman's clitoris, but it can be done with practice if
the man supports himself on one elbow.
Information on sex positions.
Advice for great sex!
Try out a
few positions from the collection each time you have sex to find out which are
best sex positions.
Don't assume that once you have arranged yourselves into a certain
position you just have to stay there!
A lot of couples switch positions during
sex, stop thrusting, rest, try out different speeds and rhythms of
thrusting, use the vibrator, break for massage, kissing, cuddling and so
on, and generally play around during the whole session.
Such a relaxed attitude will help take off
all the pressure and give you a fun, relaxed experience without the
continual pressure of assuming that you are on a direct road to orgasm,
and you can't get off it before you both come - preferably
those who are becoming orgasmic, coming as you fuck is the
objective at this stage - whether or not it happens
simultaneously. It may help if you actually decide to let this
happen, to decide mentally that you want it to happen and that
this is your objective.
You may find you have an orgasm
easily, or you may find things go slowly. It's important to
ensure that you focus on the positive, the gains, the
movements towards orgasm and the small improvements in your
level of enjoyment of sex each time you make love.
Everything that you know about
your sexual response, and everything you have learned up to
this point can be helpful in finding your way through to
orgasm, especially the orgasm triggers which will "set you
off" when you are nearing orgasm.
Use fantasy, remember that you are
not responsible for your partner's pleasure, and that good
communication is essential for good sex. Being intimate and
relaxed with each other is also essential.
are so many ways you can enjoy your intimacy. If you don't
reach orgasm during sex, you may want to have one afterwards
with masturbation or a vibrator.
Or you may want to have one before
intercourse starts, so that when the man has ejaculated, you
can lie together afterwards in the contented glow of
post-orgasmic satisfaction. Whatever you do, don't just turn
over and go to sleep!
Secrets of sexual success
Advice for men