Cunnilingus as a route to complete sexual satisfaction - instead of orgasm during sex or striving to reach orgasm during intercourse

[ How to achieve orgasm during intercourse ] [ Orgasm during intercourse ] [ Orgasms during sex - men and women don't reach orgasm during intercourse ] [ What foreplay is all about ] [ How to reach orgasm during sex - orgasm for women - orgasm during intercourse ] [ Female arousal and orgasm - how a woman gets to orgasm - how to enjoy orgasm ] [ Bringing a woman to orgasm through oral sex - how to help a woman attain orgasm during sex ] [ How to overcome the inability to reach orgasm - achieving orgasms ]

You may not have thought of oral sex as a route to complete sexual satisfaction.  For many couples, it seems like second best in the sexual scheme of things.  However, when you understand that more women like oral sex more than any other sexual activity, and that they get more orgasms from it, you begin to see the potential of good oral sex in a couple's sex life.  There is no shortage of evidence that women like oral sex.  For example, the Hite report on female sexuality contains many reports from women on how much pleasure they get from cunnilingus.  Indeed, oral sex is described as women's favourite sexual activity over and over again.

 

A survey from VulvaVelvet.org asked women how they rated various sexual activities. You can see from the results below that cunnilingus was far and away the most popular sexual activity for women.

17 How would you rate your pleasure from each of the following sexual activities?
Fantastic  Great Good OK Better than nothing
Intercourse with no extra stimulation
16% 19%  17% 24%  24%

Intercourse with extra stimulation of clitoris by partner
42%  23%  22%  7%  6% 

Intercourse with extra stimulation of clitoris by myself
35% 32%  17%  7%  9% 

Masturbating myself with my hand
36%  35%  17% 8%  7% 

Masturbating myself with toy, shower head or suchlike
44%  22%  12%  12%  10% 

Partner masturbating me during sex play
48%  32%  8%  5%  7% 

Cunnilingus (partner goes down on you)
68% 15%  8%  7% 2% 

 

The important thing to realise is that orgasms are just as important to women as they are to men; so that if sex is organised solely to satisfy the man without thought for the woman's pleasure, there is bound to be considerable resentment in the relationship. This is the inevitable result of the traditional approach to sex which can be summed up as: foreplay, intercourse, male orgasm, sleep. Where is she in this scheme of things?

 

None of this is to deny the importance of intercourse.  Every couple, or almost every couple, regards intercourse as the mainstay of sexual activity.  The simple point is, however, that it does not satisfy the woman - at least not as far as orgasms are concerned.  For the woman to enjoy an orgasm, another approach is necessary.  If you take the view that  "women come first", then you are always going to have a recipe for successful sex.  Instead of staking your sexual pleasure and happiness on the success or failure of intercourse as a route to orgasm, you substitute an approach to sex which almost guarantees pleasure for both members of the couple.  And when you have shared orgasmic pleasure, you have intimacy, happiness, mutual respect and a warm, loving relationship.

 

It is also worth pointing out that most women will adore the gift of cunnilingus from their man.  It's such an intimate act, one so full of respect and intimacy, that it is bound to increase intimacy and mutual affection in the wider relationship.

 

So where do you go from here?  Well, keep in mind this simple fact: 75% of men reach orgasm during penetrative sex within two minutes, and once they have done so they lose interest in sex.  Women, by contrast, need probably twenty minutes to get aroused sufficiently to contemplate reaching orgasm. This means that men need to find some way of stimulating their partners for at least twenty minutes, and preferably more, before they have an orgasm. And since men get bored quite quickly, this has to be something which will not bore them.  Once again the answer is simple: make cunnilingus the main part of sexual activity, not a brief element of foreplay.

 

Our approach to sexual satisfaction and harmony:

 

This website will be extremely helpful to men who suffer from premature ejaculation.  Yes, it's a good idea to develop your ability to last longer in bed, and there are plenty of sources of advice where you can get the techniques and information to help you last longer in bed.  But learning to last longer in bed can be challenging, can take a long time, and it has to be said, isn't always as successful as the man in question might wish.  With the approach that we adopt on this website to gain mutual sexual pleasure, a man's ability to last only a short time between penetration and ejaculation becomes much less of an issue.  With that in mind, let's get started on the road to complete sexual pleasure - and remember, your motto at all times is "women come first"!

 

The elusive nature of the female orgasm

 

All couples understand and appreciate the difference between the male and female orgasm.  We all know how the male orgasm is so easily achieved: with straightforward stimulation to the penis and usually no other part of the body, a man can reach orgasm very quickly.  A male teenager can often reach orgasm through masturbation in thirty seconds or less, and this hurried approach to orgasm seems to be carried through into later life.  Certainly it's true that most women would prefer a longer lasting lover than they usually get; no doubt most men would prefer to last longer as well, if only to prolong intercourse.  By contrast, the female orgasm seems both more challenging to achieve, and much longer to get there! It requires focus, persistent attention, and rhythmic stimulation, as well as a relaxed attitude - both on the part of the woman and on the part of the man if he is giving her an orgasm. But despite the apparent difficulty of achieving female orgasm, one interesting fact which we should all keep in mind is that women whose partners spend twenty minutes or more on foreplay will almost always reach orgasm easily and consistently.

 

Of course, the reason this doesn't happen more often is that sex usually doesn't usually last anything like twenty minutes.  Sex is geared to the man's rapid orgasm and ejaculation.  But just by shifting the focus a little, and making sex last for longer, not only can the man continue to enjoy his orgasm, but so can the woman, reliably, predictably, and regularly.

 

And the tool with which a woman can be ushered into orgasm so reliably is, of course, her clitoris.  You've probably read that the clitoris contains twice as many nerve fibres as the penis. Considering its small size, you'd think it would be very easy indeed for a woman to reach orgasm.  However, it seems that the major reason why women do not reach orgasm as rapidly and easily as men despite the high number of nerves in the clitoris is that they do not have the same level of testosterone, the hormone which promotes sexual desire and arousal. This means that it is necessary to encourage and develop a woman's sexual arousal through gentle stimulation of her mind and her body.

 

So at this point it seems appropriate to consider the nature of foreplay, from both a man and a woman's perspective.